Frustrated with situations & people

not changing fast enough?


We’ve all been there.  We want results and quality outcomes, but everywhere we turn there are roadblocks.  We try to push forward only to get detoured by the drama.  We see the potential of what could be, but just can’t get past the blaming and complaining that is around us.  It’s frustrating, I know.  While you might not always be able to stop The Drama, you can learn to stop Your Drama.

One of my wife’s favorite quotes is, “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass.  It’s about learning to dance in the rain”.  It’s a great picture of someone that keeps their focus on only what they can control.  You cannot control the weather.  Sometimes it rains.  There is nothing you can do about it.  But what you can control is your response to the rain.

One of the first steps in creating drama-free teams is first learning to separate The drama from Your drama.  You can’t stop the rain, but you can learn to navigate the ship even in a storm.  Many times circumstances are out of our control.  You cannot control the economy.  You cannot control other people.  In fact, there are very few things you can control.  Personal drama creeps in when people focus on things that are simply outside of their control.  Frustration, resentment, anger, bitterness sneak in and destroy personal productivity.  Many times, it’s simply a result of misaligned focus.

control, drama

What can you control?

You are in charge of you.  Nothing else.  To believe otherwise, is an exercise in frustration.  If you focus on trying to control other people’s actions, you’ll live in a state of frustration.  People frequently ask me, “Dennis, how do I motivate my team?”  Truthfully, people are going to do what they do.  Someone’s motivation flows out of their personal motive.  It’s their personal why.  That’s something that’s hard to change.  You cannot control other people.  Stop trying.

You are ridiculously in charge of you.  You cannot control events, circumstances or people.  You only can control yourself.  People that live drama-free understand that it’s not the event that determines their circumstances, but it’s their response to that event that will determine the outcome.  Taking control of your response will eliminate your personal drama.

Event + Response = Outcome

You are in control of your response.  Drama-full people believe they have no control.  It’s their circumstances or the events that happen to them that are determining their results.  Don’t believe this lie.  Your reaction to what’s happening around you determines the results you get.  Nothing else.  Because you’re in charge of your reactions, you determine your outcomes.

It’s true, you might not be able to stop someone else’s drama, but you certainly can stop your own drama.  You can take back your personal power by owning your response.  You can’t control events.  But you are ridiculously in charge of you.  Are you dissatisfied with the outcome?  Stop trying to control the event.  Take control of you and change your response.  It makes all the difference.

What can you do today, to take control of your response?


Blackboard "Mindset"Be prepared and stop the drama

“This is the most prepared we are have ever been moving into a new year”, Mike shared with me.  It was a different story 5 years ago.  When I first started working with this service based business, there was no planning process.  It was chaotic and stressful.  I could just feel the peace emulating from Mike now.  It was going to be a great year.

Change your mindsets to reduce the drama

I knew there were two mind-set shifts that finally occurred for this team.  In the strategic planning process, this is the biggest battle we all face.  If we can win the battle between the ears, then the battle is won.

Here’s how Mike described the two mindset changes that he developed to reduce his stress and decrease the internal drama:

1.  Right people in the right seats.

Instead of Mike trying to do everything on his own, he began to delegate.  Many people believe they are delegating only to realize they are only dumping.  Delegating is not only releasing a responsibility physically but also mentally.  If you keep asking yourself, “Are they going to do this?”  then youI haven’t truly delegated.  Delegating is more about clearing mental space than physical space.  Mike delegated the marketing plan to another team member he could trust.  This simple act changed his world.

2.  Stop trying to be all things to all people.

It’s such a stress reliever when you lose your messiah complex.  You can’t help everyone, not even the greatest teacher that ever lived, Jesus, could help everyone.  He let the religious leaders of the day to work with fishermen.  He knew who he could help.  When you discover whose success is on your mind, it’s incredibly freeing.  You don’t have to help everyone, but you do need to help someone.  When you discover your target market it shapes what and how you perform your service.  You don’t have to be great at everything to everyone, but you need to be great at something to someone.

What mindsets need to change in order to change your organization?


A garden’s goal is to produce.

People don’t cultivate gardens and not expect a harvest.  That’s foolish.  It’s too much work.  I remember the back breaking summer nights I spent picking weeds.  Your life is just like a garden.  You are meant to produce.  A friend of mine, Mike Murdock, asked me once, “What is your life product?”  The purpose of your life is to produce.

A garden needs to be cultivated

I hated picking weeds but my grandmother coaxed me into helping her.  She said, “Those weeds will choke out the harvest if we don’t pick them out.”  As the garden of your life is trying to produce, there will are weeds trying to grow choking off the produce.  We entered the garden every summer evening ruthlessly in pursuit of weeds.  We all have weeds that are trying to choke out the harvest.  Be ruthless with the weeds in your life.  They are choking out your harvest. 

A garden needs boundaries

“I hate this fence.  My shorts keep getting stuck on it.” This was my constant complaint to grandma.  I never appreciated the fence until there was a lack of lettuce one summer.  I had worked tirelessly to pull the weeds.  Sweated and toiled only to notice a lack of lettuce in the fall.  I was mad!  I had worked hard, but a hole had developed in the fence.  This was an entrance for a small rabbit to get in and eat my harvest!  Your life also needs boundaries.  There are little rabbits that want to get in and eat the fruit your life is producing.  Even though I hated climbing over the fence, once I knew it’s purpose, I didn’t mind it.  Your life also needs a fence.  It’s not to keep people out, but it’s to product that which your life is producing.

Treat your leadership like a garden

Your life is precious.  Time is of the essence.  Your life is garden trying to produce.  How do you cultivate and protect the garden of your life?